I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
