I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
