awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
