he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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