Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
