wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize