went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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