remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
