She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize