Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
