and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
