There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Randomize
