??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Randomize
