i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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