You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
