I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
