Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
