Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
