Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
