I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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