i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
