I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
