question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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