the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I intend to get homeless drunk
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
