I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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