Will you blow on my dice?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
