my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
