this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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