I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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