I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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