clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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