I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
