Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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