I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize