who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize