Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You ruined the universe
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
