you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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