Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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