In the future we'll all be gay
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
