I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I fill condoms, not promises.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
