Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
