So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
