Who wears a wallet chain?!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
ttyl tear gas
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
