I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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