Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
