i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
