Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i came on her dog
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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