So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
