did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
