Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
