there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
