I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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