drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
