Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
