Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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