i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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