I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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