Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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