Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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