Im at strip club and am horny
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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