3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
