i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just made my gag reflex go away.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
