I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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