There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize