I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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