On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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