Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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