life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
