I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
