I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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