Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
